Why I Built a Community Like FitnAbel

I’m often asked why FitnAbel feels the way it does, so I've been trying to figure out how to answer that. It feels like a lot to put out there, but I want people to understand where my drive to create this community comes from.

I was adopted. It’s not a secret or a big drama. I've always known I was - my parents never hid it from me, it was just always part of who I am.

But growing up, with dark hair and olive skin, I just didn’t look like anyone else in my family. People, close friends even, would always ask where I was from and I never had an answer. I found it quite insensitive actually and I’d get really upset. Not quite knowing where or how you fit in is complicated. For me, there was just this underlying feeling I couldn't shake - that I didn't quite belong, or fit in, that I wasn't really from anywhere. It felt weird, like a physical ache, a sort of stone in my chest that never went away. I'd been born in Canada, given up at birth, fostered for six months, then (happily) adopted by my mum and dad and brought back to England. All I had to go on was a brief adoption document with no names, no photos, just a few details about my birth mother and her parents.

Becoming a mum myself was what eventually pushed me to find my birth mother. That part of my story I’d prefer to keep private - but finding her changed everything. Again, it's hard to explain how, but just knowing where you come from, seeing yourself in someone else's face and mannerisms are things most other people take for granted. But it started to help me really understand parts of myself that always felt a bit unexplained.

It also gave me the confidence to stand up for myself in other parts of my life and ultimately gave me the push I needed to build something I could be proud of.

Exercise had always been my therapy; running or training gave me a clear mind and meant I didn't think about painful things. So after a lot of soul searching (and endless support from my husband Neil) - I qualified as a PT, started running local boot camps and FitnAbel grew from there.

What I didn't expect was how much the community side would mean to me.

Seeing people show up to the studio week after week, choosing to come to class (and, most importantly, choosing to keep coming back) - gave me a real sense of belonging, something I hadn't felt in a long time.

Working with clients has taught me that everyone carries something around with them. Everyone. Some people carry it more visibly than others, but we've all got our ‘stuff’ - loss, pain, insecurities, the fear of not being good enough. Whatever it is, I wanted to create a space where that's OK, where nobody's judging you.

I didn't want to build something with cliques – or for people to feel they have to prove themselves before being accepted. I know exactly what it can feel like when you’re on the outside - and I wasn't interested in recreating that.

FitnAbel is a safe, inclusive, supportive space. You come as you are, whether that's having a great day or barely holding it together - and that's genuinely enough. I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable here.

So that's the short version of why FitnAbel feels the way it does. I couldn't have explained any of this a few years ago, but I'm glad I can say it now.